ugh...

Well today was not a good day for food... oh well... actually it hasn't been the greatest of weeks and I am glad that it is all over. I started well with a spin in the am on both Monday and Friday - but many things just deteriorated from there... I think I am going to make some bread tonight...

This hasn't discouraged me from just doing better - today is just that day when it just didn't happen for me. The day started out great with a great spin in the morning - but I didn't keep it up with the food. Why is my biggest downfall always the food!!!! Oh well... tomorrow is another day and I can only do better from this point forward. I've already beat myself up about it enough today I just need to move on.

Yesterday my TA (who is Filipina) told me I was getting fat. I told her straight out that you just don't say that to people (who you are not on close terms with). She laughed more to hide her embarrassment but it totally didn't help the situation. Yes, the weight or the look thing is really bugging me - but it is also the healthy lifestyle is too. I just don't feel healthy mentally and physically. And I just want to get over that hump to be there! Where is the magic button!?!?!?

Well for one, it is regular exercise - not just lip service exercise but intense exercise. That will help lots.  Two it is food - food that I like that is healthy. I've been pretty good at eliminating a lot of carbs and portion control but I haven't gotten rid of it completely. But I am better at not choosing to eat pasta, bread or noodles... and if they creep in there then it is a controlled portion of food.

So still some progress but there needs to be more. Hard deadlines don't really work for me, but I need to make some commitments to things so that I can make it work for myself. I've made two today and that should help...

Wednesdays after school I will be spinning or doing a TRX workout with a colleague/friend of mine. That will help with getting me in a routine.

Fridays - during our planning time is a workout with the same colleague/friend. We got to get something done or else Fridays will be a total write off...

Any morning earlier in the week I am going to spin - so I don't have to worry about doing it after school - more family time...

Food - going to get some meals cooked and frozen ahead of time so that that frees up some of the prep at home. But more veg and fresh fruit needs to be consumed. I need to look at my breakfast options again. Scrambled eggs are great but I don't know if it is helping. Maybe I should limit it to 3 times a week. On days when I work out first it should probably be fruits and veg...

Like they said, it is all about the food... but I need to get my head space in ship shape. Work is a little stressful because I want to switch positions. It should be pretty straight forward but who knows... I don't hold the cards and those that do keep it close to their chest... I looked at photos from the past 10 years and I was thinking that there needs to be a way to get back to being carefree. I am sure you can be even with two kids under the age of 5... but there has to be a way back to that life. Yes things can be stressful, but it's all perspective...

Hmmmm... I will find a way. Even through my disjointed and random thoughts of this post I am sure I will find a way...